this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
