Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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