Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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