I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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