I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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