I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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