some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
