I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
