that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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