Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
