there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
