New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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