Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
