from now on my penis is your penis
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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