Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They took my balls.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
