Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
