my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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