Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
