I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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