I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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