He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
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What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
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I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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