So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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