i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
