I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
