I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
