Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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