just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
