sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
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She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
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He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.