My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything