I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.