I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
