I think scott just propositioned me for sex
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it