I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.