he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.