Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever