I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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