Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
