So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
