Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
