Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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