After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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