someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
