I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
