K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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