Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Im part way to drunk.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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