Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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