sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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