Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
