he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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