I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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