I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i believe in u and ur pee
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
