Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
