i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
