We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
