i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
