you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
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She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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