Where is the hickey?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
