Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
