I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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