I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
