I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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