I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
