I wish I could punch you in the face.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
