my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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