who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
