I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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