Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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