What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
