So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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