what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
