i already hear my dad disowning me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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