She said her name was "party"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
