I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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