I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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