well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
