Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
