i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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