I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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