I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
